Friday, October 16, 2015

God brought me back

Morning and HAPPY FRIDAY! Before I get into today's post I would just like to thank you for the comments, emails and texts I got yesterday after I posted. I was apprehensive about posting such personal information, but I thought it would be good to share especially if that meant reaching others who could also relate. It really meant a lot to me read such caring and uplifting messages on what was a pretty tough day reflecting/sharing. So thank you very much!

Today's post is about how I moved past everything, the best I could. I cannot lie, I really started to question God because I could not see past all of the pain, which was hard because this all went down during the Lenten season. A season on penance and reflection. Talk about a conflicting time and being tested. Sure I have faith, but I was so focused on all the "whys" that I really struggled with believing God was on my side. How could he let this happen to me, I really struggled with this question/s. I had many moments of anger with him, I was hurt and confused. I still went to church, but sat in the back pews, cried and would light my candle before I left, but I still didn't think he was listening. 

I could have chosen to ditch everything I had ever believed in, but my faith is important to me and knew this was a test. His plan is always much bigger, I just need to have faith! I was still apprehensive about his plans, but I started praying all the time, for God to listen to me and help me through all the dark days. Once you hit the bottom, you can only go up. I started praying for myself, people who had helped me through recovery, new friends I had met online on the UK ectopic site who all were struggling. Day by day I started to feel a little more at peace, letting God know that I was leaving it all up to him and his bigger and better plan for myself and my family. We went on a little family beach getaway and for the first time in months I was able to relax. I walked the beach each morning talking to God letting him know that I still had faith in his plans, apologizing for getting so upset, etc. For the first time in a long time I felt like my old self and really felt at peace with everything. Little did I know he did indeed have a plan! God really does work in mysterious ways. 

The last thing on our minds was having baby too soon and knew that when the time came it could go 3 ways......nothing could happen, I could have another repeat ectopic (will always have a 50/50 chance) or it could possibly get stuck in another place or a miracle could happen. While we were away on vacation, God was blessing us with a little miracle and we had no idea it was happening! It's like he waited for us to become ease and let go of all the pain and start enjoying ourselves again without worry. We just needed to trust him.

The day I found out I was pregnant with Landon I was terrified, what did we do, is this going to turn into another emergency, etc. After a few weeks we learned that not only was he in the right place (the uterus), he had also come from the left tube. MIRACLE!! 

While there are so many things to complain about during pregnancy, I just can't. I have no reason to. He is the biggest blessing ever and we cannot wait to meet our miracle baby! We are so very lucky and blessed to be given this opportunity and so thankful.

I truly believe God wanted to help turn things around, no matter how mad I got at him, he was listening. He had plan, but just like life I believe we are all tested at times. I am not saying that this works for everyone as everyone has different religious beliefs, but this is my story and this is what happened to me.

My 24 Week picture from this past weekend! 
I was in a friends wedding and so was Landon! :)

2 comments:

  1. And there is always a reason why some little babies get to stay with God and one day we will all meet again! Hugs, friend! Can't wait to spoil little Landon in a few weeks!!

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