I could have chosen to ditch everything I had ever believed in, but my faith is important to me and knew this was a test. His plan is always much bigger, I just need to have faith! I was still apprehensive about his plans, but I started praying all the time, for God to listen to me and help me through all the dark days. Once you hit the bottom, you can only go up. I started praying for myself, people who had helped me through recovery, new friends I had met online on the UK ectopic site who all were struggling. Day by day I started to feel a little more at peace, letting God know that I was leaving it all up to him and his bigger and better plan for myself and my family. We went on a little family beach getaway and for the first time in months I was able to relax. I walked the beach each morning talking to God letting him know that I still had faith in his plans, apologizing for getting so upset, etc. For the first time in a long time I felt like my old self and really felt at peace with everything. Little did I know he did indeed have a plan! God really does work in mysterious ways.
The last thing on our minds was having baby too soon and knew that when the time came it could go 3 ways......nothing could happen, I could have another repeat ectopic (will always have a 50/50 chance) or it could possibly get stuck in another place or a miracle could happen. While we were away on vacation, God was blessing us with a little miracle and we had no idea it was happening! It's like he waited for us to become ease and let go of all the pain and start enjoying ourselves again without worry. We just needed to trust him.
The day I found out I was pregnant with Landon I was terrified, what did we do, is this going to turn into another emergency, etc. After a few weeks we learned that not only was he in the right place (the uterus), he had also come from the left tube. MIRACLE!!
While there are so many things to complain about during pregnancy, I just can't. I have no reason to. He is the biggest blessing ever and we cannot wait to meet our miracle baby! We are so very lucky and blessed to be given this opportunity and so thankful.
I truly believe God wanted to help turn things around, no matter how mad I got at him, he was listening. He had plan, but just like life I believe we are all tested at times. I am not saying that this works for everyone as everyone has different religious beliefs, but this is my story and this is what happened to me.
My 24 Week picture from this past weekend!
I was in a friends wedding and so was Landon! :)